Still dare to wish you are pregnant?

We attended a ceremony yesterday, a celebration for a newborn with prayers and such at a friend’s place. I last met her 3 months ago at my housewarming party but we didn’t manage to really talk. She was heavily pregnant then and I was really busy entertaining my guests. This time around, we finally sat down and chatted – with a baby bottle in her right hand and a newborn in another. & the first thing she said to me was , “Eh.. you don’t be stressed up lah.

Why do people always think of me this way? Yes, sometimes I do feel upset and bitter about not being pregnant (yet). Who wouldn’t, right? The sad part is people automatically jump into the conclusion that DH and I are super depressed about it. We are not THAT depressed (yet) so please stop. Your perception of us is driving us to that path, though.

She then continued the conversation by giving me some unsolicited advice (what’s new) and said, “You see my cousin over there? They are married for 3 years and still not pregnant. See that friend of mine who has been playing my baby the whole time? They, too, aren’t pregnant yet. Oh and yes, my sibling! After a year of trying they went to check if there’s anything wrong and as it turned out, the problem lies with the guy. Thank god IVF worked so miraculously on their first attempt. So you see, don’t worry ok? Keep calm and it will happen. What’s meant to be for you, will be“.

Please enlighten me – which part of that is supposed to make me feel better? Was I supposed to feel happier/glad that there are others in the same worrisome plight as me? Was I supposed to say “YA I KNOW RIGHT! THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, TO ALMOST EVERYONE AROUND US! LIKE, WE DEFINITELY KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS.” Was this supposed to make me feel safe or.. what? WHAT WAS IT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL? Oh and it doesn’t stop there…

Even my own pregnancy was unexpected! You know that, right? I tried for 6 months but still no BFP so I started to worry.. I then, stopped thinking about it, stopped worrying and on our 9th month, we conceived! See!“.

Erm….. all pregnancies are sort of unexpected because you are not supposed to know what your insides are doing. If you get pregnant, planned or unplanned, it will be a surprise so please, shut up.

So I decided to say something.. “I know I’m not supposed to worry and trying my best to keep calm so it will happen but I’ve read extreme stories of failed (multiple) IVF and how taxing and stressful IVF, etc are. I’m just preparing myself, you see. The injections, crazy blood work.. You know how I’m like the person who have had to see the doctor the least – like even for a fever. I have not even had any bad case of fever/flu before, I’m just getting myself mentally prepared for all these crazy medical stuff. I am just preparing myself for the worse!“.

& her reply was “HUH HAHAHHAHAHAHA AND YOU STILL DARE TO WISH YOU ARE PREGNANT?! You know there will be injections all that, right?!

o.O What? Huh? Huhhhh??? Well, I just smiled and stayed silent after that and kept playing with her baby.. & that’s it. I give up. I officially give up confiding in anyone. I’ll just really shut up from now on and mend my heart on my own. Sigh….

But no matter what, I am still so happy for you, though. Alhamdulilah.. I hope you’d enjoy every moment of being a mum and may you child grow up healthy and happy. :’) Insha Allah.

Another 2 week wait begins….

Finally, after a crazy week or two of  major BD-ing (HAHA, TMI), we’re finally into our 2WW. & you know what? I still do not have any CM! Why is this happening? 😦

Nevertheless, I will be okay this month if AF shows up. I really think I am okay now – not going to bawl my eyes out if we don’t conceive this month because I do not feel any ovulation signs anyway? But with Allah’s grace and our faith in Him, we may conceive if He allows it.. right? Insha Allah 🙂
I saw the “passport” photo of my friend’s  baby boy yesterday and Masha Allah, how can one tiny human being be sooooooooo cute! He is perfect, really. Symmetrical face, fair skinned and everything else that is perfect in between. Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah. I am still so happy for her 🙂

To end this post, let’s welcome the 2ww with open arms! My mantra for this month is “It s okay. It will be okay..”

Insha Allah, Allah give me patience and strength. Amin.

The elephant in the room.

A very good friend of mine gave birth to a healthy baby boy yesterday & I am VERYYYYYYY happy for her that I teared when she texted me the good news! After many months of trying, she finally conceived and now have a  cutie in her hands. Syukur Alhamdulillah. She deserves all the happiness in this world and I believe she will be a great mum! I cannot wait to see her and baby :’)

On a somewhat similar note, I shared a post yesterday on Facebook and I guess, people now know that we are trying but still have not been blessed with a baby yet. Some important people have commented and liked the post, reminding me to have faith. I don’t know if sharing the post was a good move but………. even if I don’t share it, people will assume and ask anyway (because it is afterall a huge elephant in the room what!) so wtheck.. *shrugs*

Also, I don’t think I ovulated this month but who knows, right? He may be secretly hiding the ovulation signs from me to not allow me to keep my hopes up but I really hope the secret plan will be in place for us – someday, somehow….