Should I feel embarrassed?

It’s been awhile since my last post in Nov 2015. There’s nothing much to update hence, the MIA.

I am just curious – for those who have been trying for over a year just like DH and I – have you ever felt embarrassed just by attending an event where all your “friends-with-kids” are present? I attended a wedding of an ex-schoolmate the past weekend and as soon as I got there, seeing all my friends happily hugging their cute little babies and some with their pregnant bellies just made me feel ashamed that I am still childless. I know they are not the kind that would be judging me – why am I still childless but just being around them made me feel uncomfortable. I felt so inadequate like I’m not good enough and something is wrong with me. Or, like I’ve sinned so much in my younger days that God is now punishing me for it. Who knows they might think of me as such a bad person and this is retribution from Him and they know it… 😥

Sigh, I just wish I could run away from here and not see anyone I know ever again but that is obviously not possible. Also, I guess I am overthinking this a little too much. I should stop. For all I know, they might not even give a damn whether I am fertile or not. But that couldn’t be the case because in my whole circle of friends, they’re just getting pregnant one after another a few months after getting married so…… I should feel weird right?

What a way to start 2016. New year, same old useless me.. still TTC. 😦

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3 thoughts on “Should I feel embarrassed?

  1. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I completely understand. I do feel weird around all my friends who have kids. Only a few of them know that my DH and I are trying to have kids, so I’m sure the ones who don’t know just assume I don’t want any, and that’s hard 😦

    I really think seeing a specialist would benefit you. I was so scared to call and make an appointment. I felt like by doing that, I was admitting that something was wrong, but I am so glad that I did and honestly it was the best thing for my mental well being. I just finished all of my fertility testing and found out that everything was completely normal. Sometimes it just takes a long time to get pregnant and sometimes you just need a little help. DH and I are on our 14th month, 15th cycle of trying. If I am not pregnant this cycle, my doctor wants me to start Femara to boost my ovulation. It feels nice to have a game plan and to know that I’m healthy and normal. It gave me a peace of mind and I hope that if you choose to speak to a specialist, that it gives you peace of mind as well. TTC is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Its easy to become discouraged.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi!! Thank you so much for always being there for me whenever I rant about something. I really appreciate it 🙂

      I saw your posts and I am so happy for you that everything’s normal! I really hope you’ll be pregnant soon. I’ve decided to go for a trip to Europe in 2 months’ time (also, to relax a little bit. TTC can be rather stressful!) and I’ll definitely see a RE when I get back if I don’t get pregnant by then. This will be our last holiday before we fully invest in TTC with medical assistance & proper help so I hope it all goes well from there :/

      It sucks not having babies to play with when all your other friends do but oh well… Such are our lives 😦

      Like

      • That sounds like a great idea!! I’m sure the trip to Europe will help relieve some stress! Maybe thats all you need 😉 Its definitely something to look forward to and hopefully it will take your mind off all of the stress related to ttc!

        Like

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