Should I feel embarrassed?

It’s been awhile since my last post in Nov 2015. There’s nothing much to update hence, the MIA.

I am just curious – for those who have been trying for over a year just like DH and I – have you ever felt embarrassed just by attending an event where all your “friends-with-kids” are present? I attended a wedding of an ex-schoolmate the past weekend and as soon as I got there, seeing all my friends happily hugging their cute little babies and some with their pregnant bellies just made me feel ashamed that I am still childless. I know they are not the kind that would be judging me – why am I still childless but just being around them made me feel uncomfortable. I felt so inadequate like I’m not good enough and something is wrong with me. Or, like I’ve sinned so much in my younger days that God is now punishing me for it. Who knows they might think of me as such a bad person and this is retribution from Him and they know it… 😥

Sigh, I just wish I could run away from here and not see anyone I know ever again but that is obviously not possible. Also, I guess I am overthinking this a little too much. I should stop. For all I know, they might not even give a damn whether I am fertile or not. But that couldn’t be the case because in my whole circle of friends, they’re just getting pregnant one after another a few months after getting married so…… I should feel weird right?

What a way to start 2016. New year, same old useless me.. still TTC. 😦

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