Not mine.

I went to a wedding last weekend and a distant cousin of mine brought her adorable baby boy with her to the event. My dad and brother who are soooooooooooooo fond of kids (of any age) immediately offered to carry the baby around. My dad approached me and asked if I want to carry the baby. I made a sad face and said ‘no’. I was trying so damn hard to suppress my tears, honestly. I maintained my cool and quickly whipped up my phone to take a selfie with the baby to divert my dad’s attention from the main issue.

My dad then said, “Why you don’t want to carry him? Just carry lah.”
I still shook my head.
He said, “Because he is not your own? It’s okay.. No pressure kan. We are not pressurizing the both of you. Just take it easy and pray. Insha Allah.”

AHHHHHHHHHH I WAS CRYING BUCKETS IN MY HEART but i couldn’t show it. Only Allah knows exactly how I was feeling and how much I wanted to just break down and cry. Well, I did eventually.. at home when I cried myself to sleep that night.

It just upsets me because I know how much my family madly adores children. My dad and younger brother never miss any chance to carry a newborn around or play with toddlers during family gatherings. They would rather do that than mingling with other grown-ups. I wished by now, I could give them mine to play with but I don’t have any so all I can do is…………. sulk and of course, pray for one. Insha Allah.