And so, AF came yesterday while I was sleeping so soundly on Deepavali public holiday. I detest that gush of blood that interrupted my sleep so early in the morning – on a day I was supposedly allowed to wake up a little late.
DH wasn’t home when AF started as he was on night shift and due to reach home in about 2 hours. After washing up, I texting DH while getting ready to resume my sleep:
Me: Period came. I am numb. 😦
DH: 😦 we will try again love.
SIGH. Will there be just 1 day when I text him, “OMG. Period is still not here. I’m late.” or “Should I take the test?”. When will this ever change to a happy moment for us? I just don’t know anymore.
DH came home and I refuse to wake up to have breakfast with him. At that moment, I refuse to be awake to have to accept the fact that AF is really here – that I am NOT pregnant AGAIN. I was just so sad. I woke up a few hours later while DH was napping. I cried my heart out alone in the empty living room staring at our wedding pictures that are nicely framed while listening to the sound of little kids running around at the void-deck.
When I finally stopped being a crybaby, I got up and started doing chores. DH woke up a few minutes later to help. We proceeded with life as per normal after that and that has been our life the past year – just the 2 of us, trying to be strong for and with each other
But we will not give up. We will NEVER give up. Insha Allah…..