Since I have been getting negative results on my ovulation tests, I am starting to worry if I even ovulated ever since I got married. I do not have those crazy EWCM that other women claim to have when they O. I also have not gotten ANY positive results on my OPK. šŸ˜¦

So this morning, I just tested for fun knowing that I should be O-ing tmr, I got 2 lines like finally?! Although the TĀ line was way lighter than the CĀ line,Ā the Ā I was so excited still. I THOUGHT I WAS FINALLY OVULATING and I felt so happy but my happiness was short-lived. I went on to check the manuals that was included in the test kit but it says that a lighter T line is NOT A POSITIVE result. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH šŸ˜„

We are on the way to ourĀ 12th cycle and 2 months till our 1 year anniversary. I badly want to check but I doubt the doctors will willingly accept us knowing I have regular period and we have not tried for more than a year. I really hope ours will at least be a last minute thing – like exactly on the 12th cycle or 12th month of being married to each other.

This is depressing but I need. to. be. strong.

P/s: I have successfully avoided meeting the pregnant ladies/mummy friends the whole of October. I do not know how long more we can avoid them but I am not ready and they WILL NEVERĀ understand. Our ties will be severed but I am just not ready. May Allah guide usĀ to the right path.